Bigger and Better

So, I've moved over to

f l a n n y c l a n . b l o g s p o t . c o m

(without all the spaces, which were added to thwart evil-doers).

Check it out!

An Unfortunate Series of Events

The time has come.

Most recently, many of my posts have been getting spam comments that lead to virus-causing websites.

But I realize that this blog is the target. Not me.

So, I'm moving on from The Big Girl Bed.

I don't know to what, yet, but it will be broadcast when it happens.

Except to those stupid spammers.

I Wanna Be With You

Hey, pals.

This is late notice. And it's after much nagging.

Birthday List

• This cool t-shirt in XL
• A great cookbook like this one
• The only soundtrack that I could listen to over and over
• An adorable bag like this
• Plastic money for this hip place
• Everyone in my life to have an amazing experience.

Yep. I have been wracking my brain for weeks now just to come up with that list. Shows you how content I am with my possessions and my place in life.

That is a Fact, Jack

I'm just coming to grips with my emotional side, I think.

That occurred to me as my pout came out after my French teacher forgot to add me to the class email she sent over the weekend.

Which isn't really that big of a deal.

So, it is all good. Change, baby, change!

****

As for the birthday, some have requested a list of things that might be obtained in order to present me with a gift close to the 30th of March.

And I'm having a difficult time thinking of something.

Here's why.

All of the things I want this year are intangible. So, here's a list of them, just for example's sake.

1. A baby
2. More episodes of The Office
3. An increase in social gatherings during the week
4. The chill to leave Utah
5. For my teachers to be ultra-generous
   
6. Everyone in my life to have some mind-blowingly happy experience.

Does that help? :)

I'll come up with some more doable things. I promise.

***

And as today is St. Patrick's Day, Caleb and I will be celebrating our Irish heritage with green lemonade, green pasta roni, green mashed potatoes and green peas. Represent, sucka!
Other than that,

Slight of Hand and Twist of Fate

I always feel like this is an inappropriate space for when I'm feeling down. Now that my readers are family and friends, I have an obligation to wear this happy-go-lucky all the time. And it doesn't always pan out that way for me.

So, be warned, those who come here for the happy.

***

I have been having a terrible time keeping it together recently. The slightest mistake throws me into fits of tears, the smallest hint of stress leads me to sheer panic. I am constantly crying. I try to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do productive things, only to fail miserably at them. All of this wouldn't be so bad, I guess, if there was something to look forward to on the horizon.

The things that are usually a pick-me-up just aren't.

My birthday's this month? It's on a Sunday, it's in the middle of two most-assuredly 40 hour weeks at work, and it's turning me to a boring 23. I'm not really even wanting a party, just so I can avoid having to plan or commit to anything.

School gets out in April? By then, I'll be so crazy busy at work that I won't be able to function; the summer looks hectic and bleak. And if something happens that I think will happen, I'll be even more depressed than ever.

Being social? I don't have time. I don't have energy. I don't want to weigh anyone down.

Megan's getting married? I feel a terrible disconnect, though I'm trying to stay involved. She's busy, I'm busy. And she's going to get married, with or without me.

The weather's nice? Well, it snowed this morning.

***

I'm happy to be alive. But I'm not too happy to live, you know?

So, I'm lost. And I wish that it didn't affect anyone but me, but it unfortunately does.

Save the Drama For Your Mama

I love my mommy. I was telling a friend recently that I love to read her blogs, because she appreciate things and puts them into words on a level that is so refreshing and fun. I also love to read the journals of her youth, because they are the only things more embarrassing than the journals of my youth! I hope someday that she writes a book or her memoirs or something, so we can have her thoughts for generations to come!

****

Let me apologize, first off. I have been trying to access blogger.com for two weeks now, but it would never load for me. I've had so many great adventures to share, but maybe this was a lesson in patience. Who knows?

****


GuessWhatGuessWhatGuessWHAAAAAT?! My best girl Megan is getting married!!!



She is marrying my best boy Josh!



They are getting married on June 21st! They are just the cutest and after dating for a year, they definitely know how much fun they can have for the rest of eternity!

I cannot express how happy and excited I am for these two, but more specifically for my best friend. I have always wanted her to have everything good in life, and now she is on her way to achieving it (after already graduating college and getting her dream job, natch). I just love her. And I am so blessed to have a husband who loves my friends and supports me in helping them whenever I can. YAY I'M SO EXCITED!

****

Other exciting (but not as exciting as the previous) news:

• My new job is going swimmingly. We are moving offices tomorrow, which means we will be on a main floor instead of a basement and I will get to share an office with my favorite Alisha instead of being lonely. :)
• School is rolling along.
• I am loving my nursery job; we are now the sole leaders of 7 kids, which means a lot of multi-tasking and a lot more fun.
• American Idol has started and I'm digging it.
• Tim has been on his mission for over 6 months.
• Caleb is a dream.

****

Also, as a point of reference, I got my hair dyed this weekend by the wonderful Roxikins. We went bold and it turned out like this:


I did it because Caleb got new stuff for his computer. And now I have new stuff for every day.

Caleb can't stop telling me that he likes it. And I can't stop telling people that it's darker than I originally intended.

Let's Have One More

Yoga is a revelation.

I have always been weary of it, thinking it was kind of a lame form of exercise. I thought the people who practiced it were a little snobby and thought they were too cool.

But, then, on a whim, I decided I was ready to try it. Shelley graciously gave me a mat and let me borrow her yoga DVD this evening. I had taken a long nap this afternoon, so I decided to give it a whirl at 11 pm.

And I loved it. It was so relaxing and it stretched out all of my kinks. I don't know how much it will build my athleticism, at first, but the mental aid with make a tremendous difference.

My body is feeling rubbery and warm. I totally dig it.

You're My Fella, My Guy

Yep, it's me. Your friendly neighborhood Holly.

I can honestly say that I have never been more excited for a Valentine's Day than I am for this one. There are no sweepingly romantic plans (save "Step Up 2: The Streets") and I've already given my husband his big gift (a new wedding band!). I cannot put my finger on what is keeping me awake like a child before Christmas, but it's here. It's in me.

Today, in my productive day, I've given myself a lot of room to think. Sometimes, I crowd out my thoughts with peppy music or inconsequential business. Today, however, was one of those days that I felt I could trust myself. I'm so pleased with the results.

The lights are all off in the house right now, my husband snoring through cinder block walls. This is the stuff of fairy tales, people. It's where happy moments are to be found.

Let Me Start All Over Again

I'm in the middle of folding the whites. I stopped right as I finished the socks, so I could write this blog post. Right now. I am a slave to my whims.

This last week has been tough. I lost interest in school, work, friends, and life. Like, all I wanted to do was nothing and all I wanted to see was no one. Actually, it's been more than a week. But, the point is that after being confronted with some reality, I decided to re-evaluate.

Therefore, I have made list after list that has really refined where I want to be and where I want to go, rather than just seeing what happens. They go from "What do I want out of life?" to "How can I fit what I want into my day?" And you know I'd share them here, but they are just like me - bold and potentially offensive.

But, those lists have made me reconnect with life. And I feel really cool about that. I'm creeping along at building up, slowly making each day separate and worthwhile.

I can't do the positive when I'm holding on to the negative. Therefore, I'm going to start striking that from my record, too. I wish I could do that here.

And don't flatter yourself. I'm not talking about you.

Going, Going, Gone

Yep. Haircut.

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Did I mention that any time my above or below neighbors turn on their bathroom fan, we can hear it echoing in our bathroom? I wish I knew who decided to shower in the middle of the night; I would go to their apartment, bra-less and bleary-eyed, and burst inside to humiliate them in their naked state. It sounds like a grainy, whining motor that indeterminately nags at me whenever it's on. And, to show how respect is really won, I have stopped leaving my fan on for longer than needs be. But, apparently the neighbors haven't gotten the message.

I've been thinking a lot about how I have been told that I go from one extreme to another. I believe that it would be more accurately put that I change my mind a lot, but with determination. I'm not much of a wishy-washy flip flop; if something is going to be believed, it may as well be full throttle. But, there are a lot of things to be believed, about myself and the world around me. So, with all the new information coming in every second, my former thought gives way to new ideas and new beliefs. And there lies the mysticism of my black and white lifestyle-I am always collecting the latest. And I want to conform to the latest, in my own way. I love the old parts, but I'm fascinated by the newest updates, especially by the ones that swing my way. All in all, though, I'm still the same me, no matter what I believe at any given moment.

Tonight, I said that I wanted to sleep the day away so it'd be tomorrow. And then, later, I said I wanted to stay up all night. How do people deal with those kinds of shenanigans from me? I'm exhausted, but I know I won't be able to sleep. I hope Caleb can sleep, though. It would make my life easier to know that I'm not causing him to have a restless night.

I've also been thinking about what it would be like to follow every whim one ever had. First off, that would be terribly draining. Secondly, it would be enthralling to see where your mind would take you. And lastly, it would be completely freeing. One can become a slave to anything, except oneself. When you're following all of your own orders, I wonder if it would lead to heaven or to hell.

Late night thoughts. Excuse me for them.

Forget about all of this. I hope you didn't even make it this far.

This is a Test

10 years ago: I was in 8th grade at Cope, rocking the Vans shoes, being in love with about 8 different guys, and obsessed with everything Disneyland.

5 things that are on my to-do list tomorrow:
1) Actually get up early so I can do work.
2) Read the chapter in my theories book about Feminism
3) Edit
4) Do something unexpected
5) Wait for an unwelcome visitor

5 Snacks I enjoy:
1) Oreos
2) Chicken-flavored ramen
3) Movie popcorn
4) The new Arby's chocolate turnover - it's like pain au chocolat!
5) Orange juice

What I would do if I were suddenly made a billionaire:
I'd pay off the debt of everyone I love. I would follow that by doing things that would have created problems for me before I attained my billionaire status, all of them crazy and highly contemptible.

3 of my bad habits:
1) I'm a face-toucher
2) I don't take criticism. At all.
3) I am apathetic sometimes, followed by emotionally-charged mania

5 places I have lived:
1) Redlands, CA
2) Provo, UT
3) Elk Point, SD

5 jobs that I have had:
1) Cleaning the Bishops' house
2) Jose's
3) The Malt Shoppe
4) Instructor at Archiver's
5) Editorial Assistant at Northridge Media

5 Things people don't know about me:
1) I only know how to doodle one thing (a little grass hut on the beach).
2) Sometimes, I wish I didn't know English at all and only spoke French.
3) I dream of becoming a matchmaker.
4) I am petrified to play volleyball, thanks to jamming my thumbs so many times in high school.
5) I am making a conscious effort to not let my days blend into each other, but it's not working.

Everyone I know has been tagged, so enjoy the above information without dread of being chosen next!

Je ne suis qu'une fille

Bonsoir, tout le monde.

Ici, je vais ecriver une poste petite.

J'ai un A dans ma classe de francais.

Aussi, j'ai un livre nouveau qui s'apelle "Twilight."

J'espere qu'il est interessant pour moi.

Je vais le lire ce soir.

100

President Hinckley died today. He has been the president of our church and prophet of the world for most of my remembered life. And now he is with his sweet wife; I hope someday to know such a happy reunion.

This is my 100th post. I have been saving it for something very special.

This is quite special, indeed.

Don't Care How

Sometimes, people say not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Though I know the origins of this old cliche, I sometimes find it hard to follow its kooky advice.

There are so many great and quality things that I've recently been blessed with. I just scored the best job ever and school is going well; these two things particularly have been bona fide miracles, as their timings have been testaments to me that I don't always know what's best for me. I've found that my life is following this lilting tune that gives me the high notes at the perfect time and the flowing chorus when I need a little break. I finally saw all of High School Musical 2 and the entire trilogy of the "Bourne" series. Even the frigid Utah temperatures aren't really bringing the old girl down.

And is my wont, I am still wanting more.

As I alluded to in my previous post, we finally got the maternity insurance that I've been waiting for. I have had the knowledge of how babies are made, but I didn't realize that when I got into the actual game that it'd be a crap shoot. We are literally in the Flanagan Casino and I am daily showing my whole hand as I push all my chips into the center of the table. And because there isn't a light that goes on when conception happens, I am coming back to the neon slots every morning with the hopes that today will be the day.

I just keep thinking that I'll be stalwart.

For those who have seen the Holly Throughout The Ages show, it shouldn't be a surprise when I say that the real story is that I am impatient. My mind is locked in to the sound of buzzing thoughts that are barely audible and I expect the world to stop while I am Getting This Done.

There isn't anything I want more. Why I am not currently visiting the ladies' room 20 times a day is beyond me. When will I be complaining about my back and crying over the three-legged lamb? I have never desired to be so ill and cranky and glowing in my whole life.


How very Veruca Salt of me.

Rock Me Gently

The end of a crazy good week, y'all. School has been treating me like a champ (a smart champ, at that!) and I am liking work as much as ever. Caleb is just a dream and now we're covered for a huge exciting change! Life is so, so, so good.

(Nice to Meet You) Anyway

Hello, First Day Of School.

While others are moaning about your return and even more are feeling the doubts of your familiar presence, I am trying to feign comfort. There are many things about you that are foreign to me.

I feel as if I am going to be a fake walking around Real Students. I know that I'll slip up and say something outrageous sometime today. And the worst part is that I'll be blind for awhile, seeing as I can't see a) without glasses and b) with the glasses I currently have.

You're scary, not just intimidating or daunting. You're terribly frightening and I hope that I will soon have other distractions that help me veer away from focusing on how petrified I am to wake up every morning from now on.

At least all of the new mornings won't be Firsts anymore.

We Never Learn, Do We

My body does strange things sometimes. Be it the occasional eye twitch or joint cracking, my body is just reliable that way. Therefore, I was not afraid during my bath this evening when I felt like my heart was beating from inside my abdominal area. But it got me to thinking, if there really is a heart beating in my stomach, I had better get out of the bath before I boil it. So, I drained the water and let my tummy stop beating.

I'm doing much better now.

********

I was asleep by 11 last night. I didn't ring in the New Year, but I do feel thoroughly cleansed from last year; it was messy and grungy. Now I feel at peace and like everything is coming together. And with that, I'll say that my fancy bath bomb I got for Christmas is totally the bomb.