You've Got The Keys

Caleb and I just came from a rousing Primary Presentation practice with some really cute and cool little kids. Caleb gets to tend to the smartest ever McKenzi (who decided it would be a good time to practice her grunting when she got the the microphone) and I get to have fun with our little Travis and Samuel. We are very blessed to have access to these sweet spirits; the best part about it is that they all know how to crack us up. Maybe one day we'll have a little comedian in the family!

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My first Saturday off in awhile; I was hoping that we'd be able to go to the corn maze or something similar, but anything could happen in this great fall weather. With the new addition of Transformers Monopoly to our house, there is the possibility that we'll be buying and trading Autobots until the early morning light.

Work has been going fine; I was alerted yesterday that we will be closing down for a week or two in January to take care of the gross, molded tile and carpet from the Labor Day flood, so I'll have to think of some great projects to keep me from being bored. Or, how about I just start school? I really love the people I work with and I hope that I won't be a bum and lose track of them when I stop working there.

It's amazing to me how much one depends on his or her body when trying to accomplish something. For instance, yesterday at work, my body decided that the muscles weren't needed, which made the remaining two hours literally drag. I even asked if maybe I could go home early, which everyone must have thought that I was pulling another one of my pranks, because they just laughed. Wherever this pure exhaustion is coming from, it should be explained soon. If it's mono, Julie's going to hear about it from me!I just want to be a warrior.

Please Bless Her That All Her Dreams Will Come True

My hair is getting longer. I promise.

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Yesterday was our first time with our ward in almost a month; we had strep for a week and then General and Stake conferences, so we were out of commission with the ward for so long. At any rate, I was stoked to teach our little nursery class and practice singing the primary songs for the primary presentation. Let it suffice to say that I was in a happy mood.

While we were singing the opening hymn, my eyes started to well up with huge tears. At first, I was convinced that I was just so happy to be there with my husband that my emotions got the best of me. Then, as my tears flowed through the sacrament, the first speaker, the second speaker, the special musical number and the last speaker, I was otherwise convinced.

The answer hasn't come yet, and while I pulled it together for nursery, I am still feeling the unexplained emotional power.

Yay for being a girl.

You make me somebody
Nobody knows me
Not even me can see

There are times when I feel antsy. Like now. There are times when I type "three" instead of "there." Like now. There are times when I feel inspired to be my very best. And my very worst. Being crazy is inspiring and being normal is welcoming.

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And my life is very good compared to most. I wish I could record all of the worst moments of people's lives, string them together and see who has the longest, most dreadful video. And when I had all the movies of the people that mean the most to me, I'd have an exclusive film festival showing the very best and very worst.

When all the popcorn is gone and the lights turn back on, I would want to turn to the viewers and say:

When you saw your life flash before your eyes, did it sting? When you saw others' lives, did it hurt? I know my life is good and I'm sure your's is too. Please hold on when it hurts and please remember that when it stings, your life is good.

It breaks my heart to see people I love struggle over grains of sand.

I Cannot Be More Crystal Clear Than How Crystal Clear I am Being Right Now

My idle thoughts are crazy today - mellow songs from days gone by and classic wonderings about strange logistics. I wonder what it's like to have normal thoughts.

Yesterday, I made the best dessert ever on the planet, Ghosts in the Graveyard! I am super in love with this, as it blends the delicious Oreo and the charming chocolate pudding. The Chatfield family found this recipe in a Sunday newspaper clipping through a magical stroke of luck; our lives have never been the same after partaking it for the first time. I love the simplicity of the ingredients and the extreme deliciousness at the consumption of it. Love. Love love love.

I just had to share. Life is good.

You Come Swimming Into View

I am a face toucher. I can't stop touching my face, even if there is nothing going on up there. There is no apology big enough that would make this weird habit okay. It's one of those things that definitely increases the oil production on my face and keeps me looking young with all that acne. Or something.


I'm swinging. Mood swinging. All of the inanity that goes on in my life is usually soothing; it gives me something to figure out and handle and problem solve. But lately, I am going out of my mind with how one minute, everything is cool and the next, I'm blatantly freaking out. Hello, early menopause! It may be that there are multiple Hollys just wanting more air time; the cryptic and seductive Holly must be put on pause for the extremely irritated and sensitive Holly. Or something. It is a vexing thing, if only because I can't pinpoint why all of this is happening. And at the moment, I don't feel too badly for anyone who has to deal with me. But, this is selfish and unfeeling Holly, so who knows how I'll feel tomorrow?

Today, I made and sent a cute Thank You card to the poor owner of the wrecked Ford Focus. I didn't know how to word "Sorry your car is totaled, but you were really nice to me," so I just made the card as cute as I could and basically put "thanks" inside. It's the thought that counts, which is awesome because it's the only thing that I put thought into all day.


Which, I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but Caleb and I went to the IMAX theater to see "Transformers" on the big screen. We went last Friday and had a fun time eating burgers before the show and sitting at the feet of alien robots during the show. This is of note because it was my last ditch effort to have Caleb see the movie in the theater one more time before the DVD came out yesterday. And yes, we now own it.

I will not waste tomorrow.

Rain On Me

I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm angry. I want to just to forget this day and skip to tomorrow. I'm tired of not flossing and I want to be the stunner that I feel like I used to be. All that I ever was is just floundering in pretty much an unending cycle of no laundry being done.

Don't worry, I'm not dressing up for Halloween.

We got boo'ed today, with cute rice krispies halloween shapes that have candy corns on them. A bright spot.

Oh, did I mention that I got in a car wreck? Had I stopped to get milk, that probably wouldn't have happened. The cop was awesome; he gave me copies of the info for the other two cars involved in the crash. Having this information makes me want to drive to the little child's house and bash in his mailbox. My car is fine, I'm a little tweaked in the neck and thank goodness the weather was good. But, I'm just ticked. My very first car accident ever turned out so fine, but it's a good thing I didn't get hit by a mean gravel truck; I would be suing the living daylights out of everyone involved! Car wreck, car wreck. Grrrr.

I can't stop being exhausted. No matter how much sleep I get, my body does NOT want to go. I stink. I'm terrible.

Find Your Dream Come True

There has been a quiet stillness in the house. Most people would equate that to peace, happiness, tranquility; for me, it's almost boring.

I can't stop being me.

With the coming National Novel Writing Month coming up, I'm excited to put myself in yet another unfinished work. Last year, I was able to come up with a small amount of ideas before November 1st came; as for the here and now, I'm just going to fly by the seat of my pants and hope that I don't completely embarrass myself in the process. The only thing I can think of to do that would actually help me accomplish the 50,000 word goal is to write a bunch of short stories. I don't happen to be the most creative writer in the world, so one huge, whole storyline that requires a beginning, middle and end sounds too extreme for me. Now, if I cut that up into little sections that I could fill with witty anecdotes and poignant plot points, then I might just reach it. Might being the key factor.

Just give me one more chance to make it right

Say It Again: So It Is.

Right now, I'm sitting, watching the BYU/UNLV game. It's the first one this football season that I've been able to see. There are a few reasons why I've missed out so much: I've been working, I've been otherwise engaged, the games haven't been broadcast on The Mountain. It's amazing how last season, I was so diehard and now I'm just a casual fan. I know the names of the quarterback and a few of the running backs and that's it; this time last year, I could tell you the names and numbers of so many more players. I also didn't really work on Saturdays ever last year.

What a difference 365 days makes.

Feeling hungry, even though we ate a couple of hours ago. Since the McDonald's monopoly craze has begun, Caleb and I figured that we should take advantage of our chicken mcnugget addiction and get some big money out of it. Therefore, I'm in charge of keeping track of all the little pieces, as well as entering them onto the virtual game board. I say all this because we had McDonald's a little before the football game started and it makes me crazy to have my body tell me it's hungry when I know it shouldn't be.

It is a big dream for me that my eyes don't eventually give out on me. They are just terrible already; usually I can at least fake it when I can't see something, but lately I've been feeling really hindered. The other day I left the house to go get Caleb from work, forgetting that I hadn't grabbed my glasses. By the time I drove the 4 minutes to the Joseph F. Smith building, I was tired of squinting and made Caleb drive home. I'm pondering whether it would be a smart idea for me (once Caleb gets a big boy job and actual insurance) to get Lasik surgery; I know that it isn't exactly necessary, since I don't need my glasses first thing in the morning, but it might save my life in case I need to drive in an emergency or something.

For what it's worth, I am enjoying the rain, though others aren't.

Someday, I hope that I get a new fish soon. My grief has subsided over The Warrior and I think that another fish would be a good addition to the Flanagan home. Every time we consciously visit Wal-mart to get another beta fish, they either are severely lacking in quantity or missing something in quality. The only thing I can think of that is holding us back is that the timing isn't right. Someday!

And it looks like we won't end up dressing up for Halloween.

I'm feeling like I was right about big changes.

You Want to Rock, Let's Rock!

There are spiderwebs outside my back door. Also, ghosts with newspaper for brains.

YAY HALLOWEEN!

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It's interesting what happens when I'm not in the mood to do things. For instance, today, I was called upon to teach a small make and take at work; for some reason, I hadn't really gotten in the groove and I just wasn't really feeling peppy enough to promote a stamp press.

Which reminds me, I think my cramps may have lead me to a caffeine addiction.

Anyway, I knew I would have to push through these blahs, so I ramped up and decided to fake it 'til I made it. Of course, things went well (though not as well as most of my classes). I just can't believe that people are able to do things that would normally be against their will.

YAY BEING A GROWN-UP!

I want to be more productive and we might be going to Lagoon.

She Had So Much Soul

I just wrote Tim a letter. A couple of pages long with a few P.S. notes on the back, it just reminded me of how much I love to love people. He was a very good boy and I'm glad that he doesn't balk at the thought of his ex-girlfriend's older, married sister writing him letters from half-way around the world.

Make them straighten up their hat
Because she knows they're soft

All is well in the Flanagan house for another day. I am going to put up the faux cobwebs and the sweet Halloween banner Mommy made me last year to welcome another October 31st. I love Halloween so much and I can't believe that this year we're actually going to the ward activity dressed up! It's just too bad that the little Wymount kids aren't trick or treating here this year; I may have to have our nursery kids come anyway, because I bet they'll be so cute!

I just turned up the heater. Holla!

Going back to the first thought, I am so happy to like the people I like. I also like to not like the people I don't like, which is definitely a drawback to my personality. I don't like it when people I like give me reasons to not like them. I also don't like it when people I don't like give me reasons to like them. I like familiarity and hate change. I like to be liked. I also like to be disliked.

Just In Time To Save the World From Being Taken Over

I have a friend/co-worker who is due to have her very first baby on October 20th; her doctor says that the baby could come at any time and to be ready for it. Her husband is in Iraq until May and she works just as much as I do at Archiver's. The other day, she and I were talking about the possibility of doing a scrapbooking night sometime next month and she pointed out that she would have to wait to see what her babysitting schedule looked like.

It was pointed out that she doesn't have to worry about that kind of thing now and that perhaps it should stay that way - keep the baby in her forever until she doesn't have to be babysat anymore.

Later that evening, Caleb stated that he would like it if all babies were born 8 months old, because apparently that's when babies become fun.

It's obvious that at the Flanagan house, we have a skewed vision of what it means to bring a life into the world.

Let's go on a living spree
They say the best things in life are free

This weekend was supposed to be full of spiritual goodness and jammies, as it was time for the the bi-annual General Conference. However, instead, I worked straight through almost all 4 sessions. I caught the last hour or so of the Sunday afternoon session, which gave me goosebumps and all. Then I was able to go to Grandma Chatfield's for Sunday dinner, which made for some interesting conversation. I'm sure my husband will reference in his blog at some point this week about how I was (kiddingly!) mentioning his poor kissing skills.

I also referenced last night that when I'm having a bad day, it takes me 5 minutes to write paragraphs and paragraphs. But, today, it's taken me 45 minutes to write these few sentences. Guess that means it's a pretty good day.

I Only Want Sympathy in the Form of You Crawling Into Bed With Me

I need you to hurry up now
'Cause I can't wait much longer

This is the third time I've tried writing a post today. The other times there have been distractions and apathetic thoughts and all other manner of intimidating things - but here I am, keeping it real.

My bathroom is clean, as is my kitchen. My fridge is cleaned out and I have a feeling that no one else but me will notice that I swept up all the cheez-its from the pantry. My day off was spent cleaning - trying to chase away my bad mood.

Wouldn't you rather be a winner?

The truth of it all is that I am planning a few life-changing events to happen concurrently, which is just silly from all angles. The plan is for us to start trying to have a baby in January, while I was recently told that I have been accepted for my 800th try at going to school at BYU. Not only will we be bringing new life into the world, but I'll be trying to get myself to actually succeed in something I know I can be good at.

I have been inhaling youtube when it is allowed on the BYU network; if it's available, I drop pretty much everything and watch music videos, parodies, video blogs. Fall Out Boy, Usher, U2, Perez Hilton, White and Nerdy, Hot in Herre by Jenny Owens Young. It is a disease, I say.

Speaking of, apparently I've liked Fall Out Boy since before I knew who they were. All of these videos are revealing who the authors of multiple formerly-anonymous songs are. Loving it.