Recently I've been categorizing my life into days. The best day, the worst day, the funniest day. Of. My. Life. That's a hard thing and a weird thing and I don't really know why I'm doing it, but I like it. I know which day fits with which title and I can see it all so clearly in my mind that it's almost like a comedy routine.
It's helping me get my groove back, which has been gone for so long.
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I want to start writing fancyish all the time. I reread my old blog today, while I was sitting at home doing absolutely nothing for 8 hours, and I envied myself during that time period. To quote myself, "...being nostalgic is one of my least favorite things because i always feel two steps behind where i was. frustrating, no doubt."
That's probably how I'll always feel.
Even though my life is so different now than it was (and better in ways), I really knew how to live then. I knew how to get excited about things and like myself in ways that I cannot even see possible now. When thoughts come out on virtual paper like, "I am so pretty that my ego should be huge," though ironic, is comforting to an older, wider, more grizzled little girl.
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I just remembered that for a span of years, I was convinced that I had a charmed life. If I put a want or a need out into the universe, it would almost wholly come to me. In what frame of time, it was never the same. But I remember specifically thinking that I got XYZ job because I needed it RIGHT then or that I got asked out on a date immediately (and randomly) after I wanted it. Now that I've seen one real person who truly has a charmed life, I am going to try to rekindle that feeling. But, I know it will be semi-charmed, because there's no way that I can match The. Charmed. Life.
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I am going to go to sleep tonight as me and wake up tomorrow as a better me.
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